Frequently Asked Question
1. All charging of your protogen must be done with a USB-A adapter cord. If any other adapter is used your protogen could malfunction.
2. Keep any caffinated drink away from your protogen. When a protogen drinks caffeine they will experience what we at Protogen Labs call a 'Incident 1F-7' (Stop sending our staff questions on what 1F-7 means.)
3. Booping your proto. You may boop your protogen only 2-3 times at one moment. If you surpass this limit your protogen could get angry and might bite, depending on how angry you made your proto it might bite from the size of your ring finger to the palm of your hand.
We say this for the last time, Please boop responsibly. For the sake of your hand.
4. Do not treat your protogen poorly. If you do this there is a 78% chance of you being chained to the wall.
Do not do what Jefferson did when he was playing around with the newer models. DO NOT. He got chained for 30 days, the key was no where to be found. Luckily since it was inside our facility he got to eat and drink most of the days.
4¹. Treating your protogen. You may give your protogen a treat but limit to a 64GB Ram stick. 2 will be enough for your protogen for one day. (I do understand the basic knowledge of food. Thank you very much.²)
Contact our staff if any problem occurs that you may not know how to fix.
Protogen instruction manual Second Edition
1. Do not use your protogen as a toaster. If you do this you might be burned by your protogen. They do not like being used as their main purpose. (Do not ask our manufacturering team why we still build them with toaster slots.)
2. Stop. Giving. Your. Protogen. Coffee. We are tired of you people constantly having protogens running around like crazy. Stop making ³1F-7 incidents please.
3. Charging your protogen. With the newer models of protogen you aren't limited to just a USB-A adapter cable. You can now use USB-C adapter. (Any model that is not from generation 8 can not use a USB-C adapter.)
4. Booping your proto V2. You may boop your protogen gently, if you do not boop your protogen gently you could send a harmful message to your protogen. Boop your protogen like you would a cat, gentle so you don't scare it.
5. Treats. Keep any parts like motherboards, GPUs, batteries, (We aren't responsible for any electric shocks made from any batteries.) Or tools like screwdrivers, or nails. Your protogen might eat these, do not let them only allow 64GB of ram. If you are feeling generous you can give higher amounts of ram to your protogen, 256GB would be good.
Holding Crow⁴ at gun point and making a manual about him.
1. Crow only cares about one person. Yes, Crow doesn't like anyone else than his friend who is human unlike him. (Don't worry Crow hates me too)
2. Pain. Crow is a Trained Protogen Mercenary and carries a pistol and rifle wherever he goes. Don't mess with him unless you want to die.
3. Do not boop Crow. If you fail this order you will be shot through the head 35 times. Crow is too serious when it comes to booping him.
4. Caffeine. We're just going to leave this blank. Crow when through a ⁵CT-71 scenario
5. Don't post anything about Crow. Don't do what we are doing right now you will probably die a very quick death. Oh no I hear him now, DEFINITELY DONT DO WHAT I AM DOING.
How to properly 'dispose' your protogen.
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5..
This file was Expunged by Protogen Labs Cheif of Staff Kathleen Miller.
Reason: You know these things are sentient right? They can read.
After message from author: Miller, I have access to your protogen's source code. Start running.⁶
[Footnotes]
1. Yes, there are two step 4's.
2. I understand that protogens don't eat ram.
3. 1F-7 incidents are redacted events which require many Protogen Labs Response Teams to fully contain.
4. Agent Crow, Senior Security Divison Manager. 35 years working with Protogen Labs. Made by a third party company.
5. CT-71 incidents are a very destructive version of a 1F-7 incident. They occur more often in third party products.
6. Kathleen Miller was found dead 4 months after this file was posted.